


Cruel Decisions

by solsun



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Guilt, I'm Bad At Tagging, Regret, Romance, Set around Ch. 89-90, Slight Canon Divergence, Walls Reclaimed At Once, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:01:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29671113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solsun/pseuds/solsun
Summary: The public now knows the truth of the outside world and who they are. The impending threat. No matter what, they must survive. Eren struggles with the colossal responsibility he believes he bears, the weight of an entire nation in his hands. He searches for a way to ground himself while keeping his principles in tact.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Cruel Decisions

The halls of the military headquarters were grand, large, teeming with windows that overlooked the gated buildings onto the city that shared its space. The day was letting up, but Eren watched the city rumble, he held this moment dear, before he went back to his barracks.

They would get everything back, he had promised her, but everything had slipped away from his hands. 

\---

They had a few days to prepare for the ceremony to honor the fallen, the countless soldiers torn apart. Everyone was preparing for the event. Eren watched Mikasa as Sasha inspected her uniform. He was dreading asking her to come with him back home. So soon back to the place all those men, women, and children perished, what exactly did they die for now?

“Eren, what’s wrong?” Mikasa said.

It seemed all Eren had now was guilt.

“Nothing.” Eren said, “Mikasa, can you inspect my dress uniform?”

“O-oh, of course.” She sensed something off about him but at least he wasn’t turning internal like last time. She could handle him volatile, hateful even, but him quiet and brooding she could only hope that by being by his side will help him. Eventually.

Eren’s cover was stiff and sharp, his black hair sticking out slightly, his uniform smart and pressed. Standing at attention his bearing did not falter as he stared at a painting of the queen. He had not actually spoken to Historia for some time now. Mikasa reached out her hands, brushing his hair back into his cover. She gave a brief look into his steel gray eyes, what happened to you Eren, why can’t you trust me? He wonders how Historia copes with all that weight on her shoulders. Just by being born, fate has been cruel to her. Mikasa inspected every inch of his coat, satisfied she drew her attention to his trousers, nothing wrong she lifted his coat upwards to see if his belt buckle aligned with the seams of his trousers and dress shirt, she gave another glance to see if he broke his bearing, but no, he was giving an empty stare to a painting of the queen. She didn’t know how to feel about that. He didn’t want Historia to suffer any more than she had, he didn’t want to sacrifice anyone for his sake or his people’s. No way could he live with any more weight of sins on his back, of the cadets he got killed, the civilians he helped mindlessly crush with Annie, the countless unknown soldiers who kept dying to save him, even Mikasa was almost killed because of his own weakness. He had to be stronger.

“Eren, everything’s good. You finally look like an actual Officer.”

“Finally, huh?” Smiling softly at her.

“Yes, very distinguished.” She teased.

His gaze fell upon her scar, the scar that he was responsible for.

“I’m surprised they even let me keep my rank, I’m more of a weapon than anything else.”

“Just because you are who you are, soldiers follow. You made more decisions than any other 2nd Lieutenant, especially for your age.”

And so many die because of that.

“Mikasa,” he looked back at Historia’s painting, “Do you want to come with me to Shiganshina? Just us.”

“S-sure,” eyes wide, a small blush. ”What about Armin?”

“He’s busy trying to unlock Berthold’s memories.”

“When are we heading there?”

“Right now”

\---

The sky was clear and the sun shone, Eren had already paid the carriage driver for the trip, two days back home. Eren watched the birds fly high above them as Mikasa desperately searched her mind for topics to bring him back to reality, he thought back to the time when he was in a cage deep underground chained down, his guards sneered at him calling him a monster. Alone in the cell he would see terrible visions.

“How... are you feeling Eren?” Mikasa said.

Looking back at her he told her he was fine.

“So there really is a whole world out there like you guys said. Filled with people like us.” 

“Like us, huh?” Eren said.

“Whole nations, languages, cultures, it’s so surprising.” 

“It is,” Eren said looking down.

“I wonder if there’s more people like my mom in this world,”

Eyes wide, Eren looked up, she was clutching her bandaged wrist looking at anything instead of him. She never liked talking too much about her family. Did his attitude make her speak about them, was she just trying to relate to him? Of course she was.

“Sorry Mikasa, I didn’t mean to—“

“No it’s fine Eren, I know things aren’t easy for you, after everything that happened but I’m here alright, don’t forget that.”

He gave her a bitter smile,”I won’t.”

But he dare not confide in her, he has to be strong, physically and mentally, in order to protect her, Historia and everyone else on the island. He was their weapon, no longer would he be their burden so he has to be the best soldier he can possibly be, for their sake.

\---

The day was passing when the carriage slowed to a stop. 

“Hoped you enjoyed your ride to Shiganshina, it’s still a hellhole but everything is slowly coming together. Hope a young couple like yourselves make the best of it.”

“Ah, we’re family.” Mikasa said taking a glance at Eren. Paying no mind, Eren thanked the driver and grabbed her hand pulling her away with him.

“Let’s find a place to rest for the night.”

He never wanted her to protect him, in fact he wanted to protect her, like her own knight in shining armor but her strength was overwhelming and she had flipped his desire on its head. The years went by and his resentment and jealousy grew as he was forced to face his weakness. If the devil of this world would have offered him power, strength, he would’ve taken it no matter the cost. 

Now he really was a monster with overwhelming power.

Yet he remained weak, as he continued to pay the tolls for his actions, time again he had broke. Remembering his tears he was disgusted at himself, no longer will he burden those he loved with his tears, he would remain a soldier, stoic to the end.

“You’re strong aren’t you, Eren?” 

Those were Historia’s words to him.

When she saved him she found out that he wasn’t, and he found out that she was.

Walking in the road at night, the destruction was evident more than ever yet many buildings had been rebuilt, that horror that dominated its past was slowly disappearing. A unity of purpose reanimated the bodies of those who gave up on having a normal life a long time ago.

\---

Reaching an Inn Eren again insisted on paying for their room. This whole trip was on him and he wouldn’t allow Mikasa to pay a single cent.

A single bed in a single room.

“Eren?” 

“Yes?”

“There’s only one bed.”

“Yes.”

Mikasa was flabbergasted at this.

“What, it’s cheap, and we slept in the same bed before right?”

“When we were kids!”

“I know, but its fine for a night, alright.”

Mikasa sulked on the bed looking down at her hands. Eren sat next to her putting an arm round her, “I’m sorry, I’ll get you a separate room.”

Relaxing into his embrace, “No it’s fine, I just didn’t know this would happen”

“Are you sure?” His face unreadable

“Y—yes” 

He took his arm off her.

“Don’t just go along with whatever I say”

He watched the door.

Mikasa didn’t know what to say to that but she eventually told him what she said all those months ago, she was just repaying a debt, everything that she did was her own decision.

“Right.”

“Eren look at me.”

Reluctantly he did and all she saw was that familiar sadness she didn’t want to get used to seeing. 

“Let’s sleep.”

\---

Everything had changed, the way the people referred to themselves, a new fostering of national pride built on their past empire, their past glory before an exile they had no recollection of. Maybe restoration was possible, maybe an empire can be rebuilt, maybe they can finally move past the two centuries of humiliation. If only the whole world hadn’t wished for their extinction. 

They were never actually a nation as they are or will be in the future. What they were was, as they thought, the last remnant of humanity, so what was a nation? 

Nationhood was being created every day after the truth was revealed to the civilians for they now had a past, a shared history, a common language, and culture. And an enemy that treated them as such.

There they were in their hermit kingdom advancing in technology suited to kill titans as the world advanced in technology suited to kill man and titan. The danger has heightened as Eren was sure the Warriors would return with all Marley had to offer. So they will have to wait and develop as fast as they could, cursing the king and his warped idea of peace.  
The king’s vow, to him, was a vow of a coward who would watch passively as everything he loved and cherished was taken from him. No matter the pain, suffering, and death they Eldians have wrought, letting yourself die was what someone with no will would do. He would not feel regret any longer because he was born. This world was his birthright and he will not let anyone take that away from him.

Mikasa shifted against him, cuddling up to Eren in her sleep, letting out soft sighs. He thought back to his promise to her. Would he be able to keep it? He watched her close, she may be strong but he had noticed she was surprisingly fragile emotionally. As close as he was to her, he took in her smell. How was it that she could smell like a thunderstorm and the Earth at the same time? She stirred awake, “What’s wrong Eren?” He said nothing for a while, their bodies facing each other. “I never did apologize for giving you that scar, did I?” His thumb brushing the scar. “I never thought I would ever do anything like that to you, I’m so sorry…” He didn’t want to cry anymore, so he left it at that, avoiding her eyes, he stared at her scar. He was afraid, of the monster he was, the possibility of hurting her again in the future, and of her response. Was she content with never passing this boundary they erected with each other, to put him on an undeserved pedestal never doing anything to disturb that? In the end, he wanted it to be her choice, because if it was his, he was afraid she would just go along with it even if it was not really what she wanted to begin with, like joining the military or the Corps. She had to be the one to choose.

She didn’t answer him, instead she buried her face against his shoulder wrapping her body around his arm. He felt his shoulder getting wet and after a couple more minutes he heard her steady breathing. He didn’t mean to make her cry. 

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic and post so I'm sure there are a lot of issues. Welcome to any criticism.  
> I've been in love with SNK since 2012 and Eren has always been my favorite character, so this fic will be focused on his point of view. With the manga ending soon, I just wanted to make something for this fandom so if you read and enjoyed it I'm very grateful.


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